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When you realize you're in love with 'the one', it can be hard to stop saying 'I Love You' - those three words feel so good! But what else can you...
You need to have the power to read other people's minds to know your partner's thoughts. People are different, and sometimes you meet a person whose love language is different from yours. Maybe they don't say 'I love you' in the same way you do, but that doesn't mean they don't feel it.
Knowing a bit of psychology can be very useful in understanding your partner and how they are showing their love for you. Not all people express love the same way, but the psychology around it is the same. If you know where to look, you can learn if your partner loves you – and how much.
That's what you will learn today – how to read your partner's love language.
Some people are straightforward and open about their feelings. They say 'I love you' every time you walk out the door, write you this in messages while you're at work, etc. But there are other ways to speak the love language.
Other people aren't as comfortable saying 'I love you' all the time, but they'll show their love differently; this is especially common with young people. As their love matures, so do their ways of expressing it. However, expressing love doesn't come easily to people in a new relationship, so they use an affirmation to show their feelings.
The reality is most of us have a pattern of how we behave. We call this 'classical conditioning,' which refers to learning what happens unconsciously. Chances are that your partner already has a love language they use regularly, and you need to figure out what it is to strengthen your connection. When people learn through classical conditioning, they have an automatic response paired with a specific stimulus, guiding their behavior.
So, if your partner's love is their stimulus, their behavior toward you will be similar whenever they try to express their love. It will help if you read some essays on classical conditioning to learn more about this psychological term and start to notice it in your partner's words. Many people these days use words of affirmation to show their feelings. Every once in a while, they'll charm you with a short speech telling you how much they appreciate you in their lives and how you changed it for the better.
A simple 'You look beautiful' or 'I love spending time with you' is an affirmation of your partner's love for you. Telling a person you love them can take different forms, and very often, a passionate piece you'll send or read to your partner will mean a lot more than 'I love you.' If this is how your partner tells you they love you, some words of affirmation on your behalf will be the best thing you can give them.
Does your partner surprise you with gifts? We aren't just talking about gifts on your birthday or Christmas present. If they give you a small present every now and then, this is a physical token of their appreciation – and it is the best gift you can get.
Even the smallest gifts can mean a lot. When your partner gifts you a rose on an ordinary day, that means they went out of the way to go and buy it or thought of you when passing the flower shop. Either way, it is a good sentiment. They wouldn't do this if they didn't love you.
Gifts don't need to be pricey to show love. They can be big things as well as small things. A cup of coffee in bed in the morning is a gift showing you that your partner cares and their way of sharing love.
Time might be the best thing you can receive from your partner. If they give you their time and prioritize being with you over other things, this shows you their love.
A person who truly loves someone wants to spend time with them. Indeed, they still want to spend time with their friends or have some alone time; however, you can understand your partner's love language if they show interest in doing the things you like, such as watching the movies you prefer or going to your favorite places. A good partner values quality time with their loved one, which is easy to notice.
Of course, this doesn't mean that you should expect them to be with you daily to prove their love. People should still take time for themselves and take care of their obligations. People can spend quality time with their partner as well as themselves, their friends, and their career.
'How was your day?' and 'how are you doing?' may seem like simple questions, but this may be your partner's love language: showing interest in you. They'll show interest in everything from what you did in a day to bigger things like your hopes and dreams.
If your partner is interested in you and is willing to share their thoughts and feelings with you, this is their love language. This show of admiration will become more evident as they ask more profound questions or try to get more information on what you said before. It means that they listen – and they care.
Every time you smile or laugh, your partner is taking notice, especially if they are going out of their way to ensure you're content; your happiness is their happiness. If your partner goes above and beyond to make you smile or feel better, this is their way to show love. Say they'd prefer to go to a baseball game, but they know how much you've been dying to see your favorite band live in concert. So they forego the game to take you to the show to see how happy it makes you. Adorable? Absolutely!
Another common love language is 'acts of service;' this term refers to a partner that helps you out with the small or the big things to make your life better – or more manageable. Do you have experiences like these with your partner? Have you received breakfast in bed or walked into the kitchen to find all the dishes cleaned? Has your partner told you that they'll take care of something so you can relax?
Acts of service, big or small, are a continuous way to show someone that you care about them.
Physical touch is a great way to show love; this includes everything from holding your partner's hand to hugging, kissing, cuddling, and more. This show of emotions tells you that your partner thinks about you and wants to be close to you. They want to feel your presence and deliver tenderness. This type of affection is common in a blossoming relationship, so you know how interested they are in you from the get-go.
If your partner makes you a part of their life often and at every chance they have, they are head over heels for you.
Calling you when they have some free time, introducing you to their friends, or inviting you to family functions are all ways to include you in their life. They want to make sure that other people that they spend time with know who the remarkable person is that has made them so happy, and that's you!
Is your partner often talking about your future together? Are you in their plans? This one might seem like a no-brainer, but it is an important one to mention.
When your partner starts saying things like: 'we'll have this in our house' or 'when we have children, this is what we'll do,' they are planning a future with you. At the beginning of the relationship, you may have noticed this with some short-term plans like vacations or upcoming events, but as your love has grown, these questions have also evolved.
Statements for the future that show you their hopes with you in them.
Being in love is wonderful, but sometimes expressing love is more complex. Many people think that those in love must say it to be valid. The reality is that people speak different love languages. If you appreciate and love your partner, you must look at what they do and say to understand how they express love. It might not be the same as your way, but this doesn't mean you are not loved.
Paul Calderon is a psychologist who works freelance, helping young people overcome their problems and struggles in life. His mission is to assist people in finding their path in life and how to resolve the issues that come their way. In addition to sessions, Paul also writes educational and motivational content for journals and psychology blogs.